Dissecting the Perfect Action Movie

At first I thought no one would ever top the relentless, mind-shattering action of the Snake Eater films. I believed deep in the ventricles of my heart that no villian would ever top the sheer charisma and pained expressions of madness as that guy in the blue sweater in Silent Night Deadly Night 2. But then came the dual attack of Don Niam and John Miller, stars, nay LEGENDS, that graced the bloodsoaked battlefield that was Undefeatable, the greatest action movie to date. Witness the rapier-sharp whit of Jon Miller when confronting two downright brutal and unstoppable convenience store robbers…

Enter: Don Niam, the ultimate self-described badass. After an hour of visously clearing tables, eye gouging, screaming to the point of massive stroke, and having convulsive fever dreams of ass kicking WHILE eating raw steak AND raping/beating his wife on the dining room table, he finally meets the suave, REALLY good actor John Miller in the heavy machinery-filled hospital basement that he broke into and passed as a respected surgeon, by wearing surgeon clothes. Watch as he gains strength from the blood of his nemesis, and yet more strength by yelling very loudly…

And that’s it…I can hardly wait for the return of Don Niam in his next role as Stingray. See, I think they called it Undefeatable to throw us off so we wouldn’t suspect that he’d eventually be defeated…by a really oily man and a woman with one arm in a sling. One of the greatest things about this movie is it has all kinds of one-liners that anyone can use in the real world. If you find yourself about to hack someone with a machete, you should always yell “Suck my dick!” I am definitely on the lookout for Undefeatable 2: Except For That One Time. I can only hope it’ll have an action sequence as good as this in it: